Where It Began
I woke up about midnight, I sleep the whole day away, but I didn't care, I don't care about anything any more. I thought about my balls and the way people would laugh and make fun of me about it. How I would never have a boyfriend and sex is SO out of the question now. I only thought of one thing to do. I went to the bathroom, opened up the medicine cabnit and found a bottle of sleeping pills. I grabbed them went back to my room with a glass of water and sat on my bed. I thought once again better to be dead then not to have my balls. I opened the pill bottle and pored them into my hand, I out them all in my mouth, and swollowed them with the water. I laid down and smiled I am finally going to stop hurting. Now you know why I am here, here is what happened when I awoke.
I woke up to a bright light in a white room. My head hurt like hell. 'where am I' I thought I turned my head to a sound to my left. I saw a boy about 13 or 14 sitting on his bed watching me. He smiled
"Hi your in Charter Psych hospital, you came in last night. How do you feel?" he asked. I finally REALLY noticed him. He had Dark red hair and dark blue eyes, he wore braces I think about my height but he was sitting down so I wasn't sure and I knew he probably weight about 120-130 lbs. He was HOT. I just smiled.
"Fine, how did I get here?" I asked. He got up (yep about my heigth) and came to my bed and sat down.
"They brought you here last night, aroudn 4 in the morning. I heard them say you tried to kill your self, that true?" he asked. I just looked up at him and nodded, I was tired and scared. He just smiled back. "Me too that is why I am here. You see i'm gay and I was having problems with some kids at school and with my family and I couldn't take it any more. What about you? Oh by the way my name is Bobby" he asked. I just looked at him and closed my eyes, I could feel tears falling down my face. Why would he care about me I don't have any balls any more, and I don't look good, and have nothing going for me. I just cried he put his hand on my shoulder and I flinched. "Hey man you don't have to cry it'll be ok I promise." When he said that, that just made me cry harder. He stayed there until I stopped crying. I finally looked at him and told him.
"I had cancer in my balls and they cut them off and don't worry i'm gay too." I said. Figured I mine as well tell him he didn't have a chance sence I can't get hard. He just looked at me for a minute. Then took my hand. With tears in his eyes he said.
"I'm sorry man I know that must suck. I wish I could help, but hey I heard that you can stil get hard a little not as much but some, and don't worry I won't make fun of you I promise." with that he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheak. I smiled and blushed and hugged him for a few minutes. He smiled back at me. I finally released him and he went back to his bed. I finally also noticed the room we were in.
It was a two man room with a bathroom, a tv, and two beds. We each had curtains around our beds so if we wanted privacy. A few minutes later Dr. Prescot, my parents, and Dr. Smith (the doc who cut off my balls) came in. My parents smiled as well as the doctors.
"Well how are you doing today young man?" Dr. Prescot asked. I just glarred at him and turned my head towards the tv. Dr. Smith went over and turned it off. "No you are NOT ignoreing us this time you HAVE to talk, so talk." he said. I just looked at him and yelled.
"I HATE ALL OF YOU SO FUCK OFF." and turned away shutting my eyes. I heard the curtain being closed and the bed sheets being pulled down. I tried to stop them, and someone grabbed my hands. I looked up and saw my dad holding my hands and Dr. Smith pulling down the blanket. I noticed my mom was out side of the curtain and the curtain was drawn.
"He's only checking to make sure you are alright down there son." said my dad still holding my hands. I glared at him and shut my eyes. I heard him sigh, "I wish you would talk to us, we didn't hurt you and we are sorry you are hurt. Son we never wanted this but there was no other choice and you trying to kill your self was stupid. You know better you should have come and told someone how you were feeling." before I could respond Dr. Smith pulled the blanket back up.
"He is fine another week and they can come out, barely will be a scar" he said smiling at me, I just looked hatefully at him and his smile disappeared. Then I turened to my dad.
"You don't even care about me, so why now? All of those times you and mom went away and left me with someone, you always said oh well we figured you wouldn't enjoy it, and I know about some of the places yall went. The mountains, Disney World yeah I know about them so you wonder why I am wondering why you care right now well there you fucking go. I hate you and her and the dumb ass here who cut off my balls and this idot who wants to help me mentally you all want to help leave me the FUCK ALONE." I screamed at them, half way though my mom came in and heard it all. She looked hurt and shocked as did my dad. The docs looke worried and upset. About that time Bobby came up to me and out his arms around my shoulder and let me cry on it. "I HATE YOU ALL" I hollared at them, then turning and hugging Bobby. Bobby just keep making shhhh noises at me to calm me down.
"Son we are sorry, we didn't know we hurt you and yes we have been selfish please forgive us?" my mom said I just shook my head in the negative.
"I think you should concider it. As I have said before I don't know how you feel but you need to stop being so mean to eveyone. It is NO ONES fault that this happend. Cancer just happenes, now come on and talk to us." Dr. Prescot said I turned and glared saying.
"FUCK OFF you don't know a DAMN THINK you think it would be better to talk about my feelings well I don't like to and I HATE YOU I don't even like you. I don't trust you, if and I mean IF I did want to talk to someone it would be someone like me NOT YOU." I said he looked curiouse then asked
"What do you mean like you?"
"Some one gay that is who. Yeah mom and dad your son is gay, a faggot, a fudge packer and anything else you would like to say. So sorry to disappoint you. What are you going to do now dad beat the shit out of me. Come on what, hell I don't have any balls, so why don't you. I don't care anymore. You are the one who has always said things about gay people so what are you going to do now disown me PLEASE DO, I HATE YOU." I said starting to scream and holler. Bobby just held me tighter agaist him. My dad and mom looked shocked. The were speechless. Finally Dr. Prescot said.
"I know a good pyscologiest who is gay, would that make you feel better?" he asked. I just turned towards him
"Yeah as long as you aren't there?" I said. He looked hurt but nodded his head then turned and walked out the door. I did kinda feel sorry for him and maybe I will apologize later. Bobby keep holding me and rocking me.
My parents finally came to an understanding of there own.
"Son I am sorry for all of the things I said about gay people and I am so sorry about hurting you that way. No I am not going to disown you. You are my son and I love you no matter what. Me and your mother are sorry for being so selfish, and doing things that have mad you unhappy and not noticing. Please son give us a chance, there is nothing we can do about your testicals if there was a magic wand I could wave so you could have them back with no cancerI would, but there isn't and I can't, but son we do love you and we do need you, if you are gay so what. I don't care and neither does your mom." he said, he came up and touched my arm and I flinched but he left it there. My mom came up and put her hand on dads.
"His right we don't care if you are gay or not, we love you and we are so sorry for being selfish and foolish, please son give us another chance." She said crying. I looked at Bobby and he nodded his head, I turned and hugged my parents for the frist time in about 3 or 4 days.